Hopes Dying Embers
by VikingsDoItBetter
Summary: It feels like giving in Postep for Clocks. Elliot POV
1. Hopes Dying Embers

Title: Hopes Dying Embers

Author: Little Demon Lover aka AlexCabotIsQueen

Summary: It feels like giving in. Post-ep for "Clocks. Elliot POV

* * *

"_Why haven't you signed the divorce papers yet?"_

She came all the way down here to ask me that. Sure it was veiled under concern for _our_ daughter, but hey. As long as Kathy gets what Kathy wants.

Not that it wasn't great to see her. And she looked wonderful. Still takes my breath away...

Too bad I no longer have the same effect over her.

Even sitting here at my desk, looking at these papers, I still don't want to do this. But it's clear to me what I have to do. But I'll deliver them to her.

I call because I need to make sure she'll be there. But of course, when I told her why I needed to stop by, she said she would be there as long as I needed her to. Funny, last time she said something like that...well, she wants to rescind that deal.

The drive seems unbearable. Those papers sit in an envelope in the passenger seat. I don't even know why I put them in an envelope. Maybe so I don't have to look at them, maybe covering up my shame.

The hope that once helped to kindle our marriage and keep it alive are now dying embers on the floor. Scattered. Lonely.

Even walking up the front steps somehow seems wrong. The same steps that I used to long to climb. Now my footsteps on them sound like impending doom.

I still even have the keys. Now that's strange, they still work.

Seeing her stand in what used to be our kitchen in our house. But this place doesn't feel like it used to. Now it has the bitter chill of loss and emptiness.

She seems startled at me standing her, "Elliot. How did you get in?"

"Used my key."

"Right. Forgot you still had those. So, did you bring them?"

I slide the envelope across the island. She opens it like it was the winning lotto numbers.

"You still didn't sign them."

"I know."

"God damn it Elliot. You drove all they way over here just to rub it in my face!"

"Let's go outside and talk about it."

"Fine."

Sitting out here used to be relaxing. Now it's a war zone.

"Why are in such a hurry for me to sign these?"

"You have to. You need to move on Elliot. It's not healthy."

"Me? You're the one that hasn't changed the locks. Who's not moving on Kath?"

"That's not fair. I've been busy."

"So have I."

She won't even look at me.

"Why are you in such a hurry to finish it all? Just end something we invested so much in with a pen stroke. Boyfriend getting pushy about being with a married woman?"

"No."

"What...Think you'll just marry someone else and it be different..."

"There isn't anyone else. Don't you get that?"

"Really? Because Maureen tells me that you've been going out a lot."

"Using our own children as informants. That's classy Elliot. Real classy."

"Hey, she's a grown woman. What she chooses to tell me is all on her. I guess she's just concerned because you're never home."

"Never lasts more than one date anyway."

"That them or you."

"It's me. They're not good enough for me."

"Well, at least you've got your standards."

I know that look on her face. She's thinking about something she's been holding in for awhile.

"Just say it Kathy. I know you...If you don't say whatever it is, you'll regret it. Probably make yourself sick over it."

"I can't stay with them because they're not you. Okay? They're not you."


	2. Glimmer

"Let me get this all straight. You leave me because you think I've deserted you. You come to work, my one escape from the hell I live in and ask me to sign the divorce papers...Just so I can come over here and you tell me that you aren't seeing anyone else because they aren't me."

"Pretty much."

"So, what does that tell you about all of this?"

"I don't know. All I know is I'm miserable when I'm not with you and a little less miserable when you're here."

"Then why don't we just try and fix this? There has to be something we can do."

"Like what? Talk to someone? Yeah, that will do a lot of good. You'll still work the same job and I still be here raising teenagers by myself. Just waiting for the two hours you're not asleep just to fill you in on their lives and what we need to do just to make sure they grow up right. And then listen to them tell me that Dad's only around to punish them and that's it. And I have to go to sleep every night alone. Hoping that maybe tomorrow you'll get to our bed before three a.m."

I still can't stand to see her cry. I sit down beside her and listen.

"When was the last time you went to bed and didn't hate me?"

"Honestly. I don't know."

"Then what do I need to do to make this better for you."

"What I need is to be away from you. I still have some feeling for you. Whether it's love or not, I don't know."

"Well, I know that I'm still very much in love with you. That's why I made sure you had the house to live in. You and the kids needed to be here more that I did. I try to spend time with them. I could make more time with work. But, honestly, I hate making time to spend with our kids. Just reminds me of what I messed up."

"So, where do we go? What do we do with this knowledge?"

"For the first time in my life, I don't know. What do you want Kathy?"

"I want...I want you to still be a part of this house. You helped make it home for all of us. But I still need some time Elliot. Let's just agree to work on this."

"Those papers will still be there...say six months from now. And if at that point we decide that we can't do anything to fix this, then we'll go from there."

"I think that would be okay. I'm not really sure."

"Me either."

"Hey, did you eat dinner yet?"

"Let's see, it's...nine o'clock... what do you think?"

"That'd be a no. Say, you wanna go get something to eat. Kathleen and the twins will okay by themselves...I'm sure we could cut out for a couple of hours."

"Wait...did you just ask me out?"

"So what if I did?"

"So...I think I'll have to say...sounds like a good idea."

"Great. I'll go get my coat..."

"I'll let Kathleen know."

"Best of luck. Hope your head is still attached when you come down the stairs."

Being here, with this glimmer of hope, makes this seem like a plesant task. I know Kathleen is in her room, I can hear that awful racket she calls music to prove it. I knock, not sure if she can hear me.

"I told you to...Dad? Why are you here?"

"Your mother and I are going to get some dinner...Can you hold down the fort for a few hours?"

"Uh, yeah...Why are you two eating again...Oh yeah, so you can finally make her dreams come true and sign those papers. Even the guys on death row get a last meal."

"Actually, we're just going to talk. I don't think I'll be signing those any time soon."

"So, what? What does that even mean...Are you going to live with us again..."

"Little soon for that...But, we're going to work on it."

"Whatever."

"And don't think this boyfriend situation is over. We'll all talk about it. Sooner than you think."

"Have my parents talk to me about something together. How can I be mad about that?"

"Night baby."

"Night."

Almost nice. She's old enough now that she gets it. And she's probaby been my biggest informant. Kathleen is so much like her mother anyway it helps to hear it from her.

"Well, you survived that."

"Sorry. She had to interrogate. But I think I held out enough for her."

"Wonder where she learned that."

"No one to blame but myself. I think she gets it though."

"I hope so. I just hope we're going about this all the right way."

"We have to be. There's not a lot of room for error here."


End file.
